when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
