every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
