A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
