a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
