I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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