She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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