also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
