I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
