I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
