After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
