i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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