There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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