I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
