i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
