If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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