your parents love me but you hate me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
