You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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