In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
