Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize