I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
