On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
