when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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