Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Less talking, more tequila
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
