Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
