You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize