Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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