Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
