you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
