my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
