who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
