I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
