So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
