You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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