The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
