let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
