the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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