and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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