I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
