Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
