my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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