dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
