If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
