...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
