if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
