remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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