So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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