i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
