I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
