shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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