Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize