Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
