The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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