So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
