I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
