I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
