can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you never un-have a 4some
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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