All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's get the cat blown out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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