Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
