Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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