The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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