Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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