That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Everclear isn't food dammit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
